Mercury is in Retrograde, he said.

When I sent him hopeful songs, and he, depressive ones after our final break up, he reminded me that the mercury is in retrograde, so we shall not get back together.

Cause it would break us again.

I knew it better than him. It was me in the first place that taught him about the planets’ and the stars’ influence on human behaviour. Back then, he used to grin at me and tease me endlessly.

He said the same old words, everyone else had said before:

”How could you, Pi, a neuroscientist at mind and heart, can believe in Astrology? ..”

I did try to tell him why… All my reasons.

The constant conjunction of the behaviours of each zodiac sign. The statistics I have held with everyone I knew. Worked out most of the time.

I did my best to show him the beauty of the zodiac.

After him, I never tried to make anyone believe in it.

It took so much time and effort.

And now, whenever someone expresses disbelief, I change the subject-

To things they believe in: Like fashion and religions.

Anyhow,

When he put the fact of the Retrograde in my face,

I tried my best to make him let go of his orthodox belief in the planets!

I told him that we used to break up in retrogrades but not unite.

I was not really sure if I was totally honest.

I only wanted to have his long phone calls again,

Calls only,

As I was in London and he in Istanbul.

Long story short,

He was right.

The retrograde struck us again…

As it did hundreds of times before…

Only after a few days of talking to each other again,

A young girl knelt down to where I was lying on the grass in a park,

nicked my phone, and walked away….

Then we lost contact, he did not email me more than twice.

He was too lazy for emails or online meetings on a computer.

He let me go,

Once again.

…

He was right,

The mercury retrograde took him away once again.

What would have happened if the mercury had never moved back?

Would he have stayed?

Would he have committed?

Would he have been loy… no.

He was meant to be this way…

-π

The Ring

Suddenly, the virgin is surrounding my existence again. Like he ever stopped.

It is due to this phones, reminding us of memories.

Photos from a year ago, where him and I finally got rings,

That had our names in it with the symbol of eternity-

Was on our fingers.

Was he really happy? I doubt so.

It was me-

Me and my 3 years craving for a symbol.

He could not resist my repetitions after that many years.

He was out of excuses and patience,

So he went and got us the rings-

The ones I chose.

He only cared about the colour.

He would not wear yellow gold nor the platinum.

He wanted the white gold only.

So I went with it.

After all, my dream was coming true:

Making us official.

I know how naive I sound.

But this is love.

Makes you even more naive.

As Shakespeare says,

“For to be wise and love exceeds man’s might.”

I was wise before (and after) him…

The ring did not last long.

He took it off whilst playing volleyball-

And most probably- whenever he was around girls he liked-

And near his mum- having a tantrum at me,

Just cause I was upset with his ”over the top” intimacy

with a girl from work.

She was one of his crushes.

One of the twenty I knew of.

She was asking if they could go alone to a concert-

without me.

I lashed out.

He lashed out- accusing me for lashing out.

He took off the ring

Threw it on the floor-

Shouted.

Near his mum…

That I was suffocating him with my jealousy.

Like I was wrong all along.

He was always right.

I should have kept silent.

Or he could play the dramatic act,

And show everyone that he was the victim.

Victim of a …

???

Lover???

I still can’t name it exactly.

Perhaps, he knows what it is.

He’s always ready to put the blame on me.

I was suffocating him with my love!! Yes here it is,

It was a gigantic love-

That did not give him the space to love back.

Cause I loved enough for the two of us.

I cared enough- or too much!

Anyways,

Now, somewhere

He is still complaining about me.

That I loved too much!

Things could have been much better if only…

I did not love that much..

If he could only feel

More masculine,

More giving,

More caring…

But I did it all…

He felt incompetent faced with my love,

As he said.

He wanted someone,

That loved just enough.

That cared just enough .

But not too much.

Someone not as motherly

and protective as I was.

Someone that was more human,

Less stable,

More histrionic,

Riskier.

He last said,

I was his safe harbour,

And he was meant to sail off…

I still can’t understand what he meant.

-π

Arthur the Gramps

Not Arthur the King.

Not the TV series character.

The one that is my soul-mate,

Apart from me loving the extravagance,

and him, total frugality.

Though there are times, I’ve seen,

Him getting sunk in,

Vanilla ice cream,

Topped up with all kinds of berries!

I- really- did see with my bare eyes.

Him gulping down gallons of fizzy water-

Though it was for the ailment of his muscle aches,

He was being extravagant at times,

Just like I was.

But in his eyes,

I was always the extravagant girl,

Buying tons of vegan food,

Enough for the Army of Napoleon, …

(I’ll admit, I can’t help but smile as I type this…)

Reading 10 different book on:

Neuroscience, Anthropology and Dementia…

Whilst he was the one that reads Neuroscience in the day,

and in the evenings,

An autobiography of a man,

He literally met in the library.

Which he does not enjoy at all!

And yet I am do one that is extravagant.

Dear Sir Arthur (no, not Conan Doyle)

The Arthur that is an engineer,

Yet has an MSc on Neurosciences!

Yes you,

You are as extravagant as I am,

Maybe even more!

In the end, I am just a plain girl,

That has narrow interests in

Fashion, cosmetics and all the feminine things.

And rarely,

Ethics, philosophy, neuroscience, politics and primates.

My simplicity is nothing near your extravagance.

Last but not least….

I hope he cuts on the Vanilla Ice Cream,

and switches to something I also can nibble from!

Such as the vegan cheesecakes that the Marks and Sparks does!

Till they get them off the shelves!

–Pi the extravagant.