The Ring

Suddenly, the virgin is surrounding my existence again. Like he ever stopped.

It is due to this phones, reminding us of memories.

Photos from a year ago, where him and I finally got rings,

That had our names in it with the symbol of eternity-

Was on our fingers.

Was he really happy? I doubt so.

It was me-

Me and my 3 years craving for a symbol.

He could not resist my repetitions after that many years.

He was out of excuses and patience,

So he went and got us the rings-

The ones I chose.

He only cared about the colour.

He would not wear yellow gold nor the platinum.

He wanted the white gold only.

So I went with it.

After all, my dream was coming true:

Making us official.

I know how naive I sound.

But this is love.

Makes you even more naive.

As Shakespeare says,

“For to be wise and love exceeds man’s might.”

I was wise before (and after) him…

The ring did not last long.

He took it off whilst playing volleyball-

And most probably- whenever he was around girls he liked-

And near his mum- having a tantrum at me,

Just cause I was upset with his ”over the top” intimacy

with a girl from work.

She was one of his crushes.

One of the twenty I knew of.

She was asking if they could go alone to a concert-

without me.

I lashed out.

He lashed out- accusing me for lashing out.

He took off the ring

Threw it on the floor-

Shouted.

Near his mum…

That I was suffocating him with my jealousy.

Like I was wrong all along.

He was always right.

I should have kept silent.

Or he could play the dramatic act,

And show everyone that he was the victim.

Victim of a …

???

Lover???

I still can’t name it exactly.

Perhaps, he knows what it is.

He’s always ready to put the blame on me.

I was suffocating him with my love!! Yes here it is,

It was a gigantic love-

That did not give him the space to love back.

Cause I loved enough for the two of us.

I cared enough- or too much!

Anyways,

Now, somewhere

He is still complaining about me.

That I loved too much!

Things could have been much better if only…

I did not love that much..

If he could only feel

More masculine,

More giving,

More caring…

But I did it all…

He felt incompetent faced with my love,

As he said.

He wanted someone,

That loved just enough.

That cared just enough .

But not too much.

Someone not as motherly

and protective as I was.

Someone that was more human,

Less stable,

More histrionic,

Riskier.

He last said,

I was his safe harbour,

And he was meant to sail off…

I still can’t understand what he meant.

-π